"An author should never conceive himself as bringing into existence beauty or wisdom which did not exist before, but simply and solely as trying to embody in terms of his own art some reflection of eternal beauty and wisdom." 

C.S. Lewis

The longer I write, the more I've wondered why I write.

A few of the possible answers I’ve explored are to experience the other, to help others experience the other, to create something beautiful, or to invoke a specific emotion. However, none of these answers seem to satisfy that question. Why do I write, when I’m not sure that my words will ever be read? Why do I write, when I can directly exercise empathy to understand what a real person is experiencing? Why do I write, when there are so many other jobs out there which might be simpler and allow me to live more comfortably?

An answer has come, not as I’ve considered my own writing more deeply, but as I’ve started to examine my own reading habits. Indeed, the question “Why do I read?” seems much easier to answer than “Why do I write?” So…why do I read?

I think it’s to become a better person.

When I pick up a book, I find myself looking for characters and heroes I feel I can learn something from. I gravitate towards people like Sparrowhawk from A Wizard of Earthsea, who conveys a quiet sense of wisdom and yet is anything but feeble. He is at once strong and soft, kind and demanding, powerful yet restrained. I read of Egwene al’Vere from The Wheel of Time, who started off as my least favorite character but by the end of my fourteen-book journey had become one of my favorite characters of all time—a woman who is unyielding yet fair, who does not allow the opinions of the masses to shape her but keeps a strong head and does what she feels is right, and is willing to sacrifice her own life for the sake of the world. I return again and again to characters like Bastian Bux in The Neverending Story, to Ani Isilee in The Goose Girl, to the grown-up Ender Wiggin in Speaker for the Dead, and to Aslan in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

I read because I want to become like these people, and I write for the same reason.

Writing, for me, is that act of finding and forging characters who are not perfect, who struggle with weaknesses and inherent flaws but work to overcome them, to improve either by choice or by force as they make decisions (some right, some wrong) throughout the course of a novel. I’ve noticed a dearth of these characters recently—our modern culture seems obsessed with the anti-hero, the character who operates in the morally gray spaces of ethics. We revere the Deadpools, the Maleficents, and the Jaime Lannisters; we’ve emerged into a culture where people are more prone to identify with the villains of a story than with the heroes. I don’t necessarily want to criticize this impulse, for I think it is a natural one. When I compare myself with a villain, my own villainy doesn’t seem so bad, and I feel less alien in my darker impulses. I don’t have to face any sort of change in my life but accept myself for who I am and what I always will be.

But there is little to gain in these comparisons beyond complacency or comfort. 

When I compare myself with a hero, I see all my flaws. But I also think that discomfort, the realization that we are not all we could be, is an essential part of growing as humans. It’s something we’re losing in modern media—characters we aspire to emulate morally.

As I’ve considered this desire for aspirational characters, I’ve realized that what I truly want when I approach a story is to be taken on the hero’s journey as a reader—not just to watch the character go through this journey, but to embark on it myself. I want to depart my comfortable world of real life, cross the threshold into a space that is at once dangerous and beautiful, learn a hard truth about my shortcomings, gain knowledge to overcome them through trials and tribulations, and eventually return to my ordinary life at the end of the book with some sort of reward, something gained that I can share with other people. Perhaps it can be said that good fiction reflects things as they are (including our flaws) and helps us feel seen. But great fiction goes beyond mere reflection of the human experience. Great fiction reflects a world that could be. To quote John Gardner, it casts “a benevolent vision of the possible which can inspire and incite human beings towards virtue," a place full of heroes who are not perfect and yet have qualities that we might attain if we embark upon our own journey. At its core, enduring literature should inspire rather than represent its reader.

That's why I write, though I fall short far more often than I succeed. But following the example of all my favorite heroes, I will keep trying as I go and grow.

I hope you'll join me on this journey.